Bloomington, Mn. -A deranged and obviously confused Carson Daly was arrested
this weekend after accosting multiple tween girls, grabbing them by the arm,
and shouting at them in front of their mothers, "Why the fuck am I not
Ryan Seacrest!"
According to his publicist, Mr. Daly was in Minnesota to cover the unveiling of
the world's largest Temperpedic mattress for his late night NBC show, Last Call. Witnesses claim that Mr. Daily became irate at the food court
television, which had been running clips from Ryan Seacrest's E! Show E!
News, during which Seacrest showed repeated clips of his own moments on the
Fox mega-hit American Idol.
“He would
start to ask something about the mattress, and then his eyes would float up to
the television screen and he’d just sort of trail off,” said Doug McLauren,
night manager for Temperpedic’s Mall of America location.
According
to eye witnesses, Daly’s erratic behaviour continued for nearly 20 minutes
before he threw his Chicken Teriyaki platter at an Auntie Anne's worker
and began shouting, "THIS IS BULLSHIT!! THIS IS BULLSHIT!!" to no one
in particular.
Representatives
of NBC, the network on which Mr. Daly still manages to have a show, were
contacted by The Carcast and asked to comment on the story: "We
don't do that show any more. Haven't for years. This is NBC, we make television
history. We're not in the business of shelling out dreck." After The Carcast sent them tapes of Mr. Daly's
most recent show, an episode that featured Mr. Daly and Fred Durst on a camping
trip and talking about how great music was in the 90's, the NBC executive
responded, "I'll get back to you." The Carcast is awaiting
further comment.
An MTV spokesperson gave a similar account, "Carson Daily? Never heard of
him. Sounds like a bad porn name. MTV is not in the porn business."
"Techically,"
the representative added
Eventually Mr. Daly was subdued by mall security guard, Grover Wilkinson who
had located an old poster of Tara Reid from one of the many abandoned
storefronts now currently occupying the Mall of America. Mr. Daly was
last seen fleeing the Mall with his entourage, singer Fred Durst and former MTV
vee-jay Matt Pinefield. There is no knowledge to his current whereabouts and
all calls to NBC have gone unanswered.
