Friday, August 19, 2011

The Progressive Cinema Scorecard: Night of the Comet

It's a new regular feature on the Carcast site. The Progressive Cinema Scorecard! Joe and I will watch a great cinematic film and assign arbitrary points to scenes/events in films that we feel may or may not be viewed in the current climate as "progressive".

We decided on the "Progressive Cinema Scorecard," since we all know that the title of "Conservatives Cinema Scorecard" would be a misnomer because conservatives don't actually watch movies, or listen to good music, or look at art, or live. And we decided against the "Liberal Cinema Scorecard" because Joe hates communist hippies. As a result, a compromise was struck. (Take note Washington!) The result: The brilliantly named "Progressive Cinema Scorecard."

Progressive Cinema Scorecard for Night of the Comet:

  • Having a chick lead who is the best Asteroid player in 1984 = 10 pts
  • Having chick lead and her sister being better with machine guns than the boys = 20 pts
  • Having a Latino male lead in 1984 = 1pt
  • Having said Latino male lead so closely resemble that OTHER Latino actor everybody in 1984 would recognize = -1 pt
  • Having Latino male lead return to his house to check on his mother and the only record on display in the entire house being Feliz Navidad, better known as that one Mexican song white people in 1984 would recognize = -1 pt
  • Having a bad-ass main chick turn into slightly deranged schoolmarmy wife at the end of the movie = -20 pts
  • Having me think there were zombies in this fucking movie when there weren't = -100 pts
  • Our liberal use of the word "chick" during this post = -50 pts
Final Progressive Cinema Score for Night of the Comet = -141 points

In short: Far above average for this genre of film produced that decade.

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