The Progressive Cinema Scorecard: Return of the Living Dead

The progressive scorecard for Return of the Living Dead:

• Asserting that this movie is based on real and true events when that is clearly impossible = +50 pts
• Having the guy who played Governor Fritz La Chatte from the TV show Sledgehammer as one of your leads = +20 pts
• Asserting that all skeletons used in medical reaserch come from India because they have nice teeth = -100 pts
• Having a teenage gang with every single 80's stereotype represented as if they were all in one group and actually hung out together (in 1985 = -20 pts), in 2011 = +20 pts
• Having a main character speak to the integrity of a toxic drum by claiming that is was made by the Army Corp of Engineers right before it promptly falls apart (in 1985 = +5 pts), Post Katrina = +10 pts
• Having your punk chick character talk about her fantasy death and it that involve being raped and eaten by a bunch of dirty old men and then having her take off all her clothes (tops AND bottoms) to dance completely naked on a giant tomb = -200 pts
• Introducing brains to the discriminating zombie pallet = +100 pts
• Not giving the naked punk chick ANY clothes, even after brains start being eaten = -100 pts
• Having a Motley Crue knock-off play during the cemetery awakening montage = -20 points
• Not killing the only black dude in the movie first = +20 pts
• Not putting zombie make-up on a significant portion of zombies in the group shots = -30 pts
• Little person made to look like a zombie with no legs = +10 pts
• Zombies using the CB radios to lure more paramedics/police officers to the scene for more brains = +50 pts
• Bringing back the naked punk chick, even after we thought she had mercifully been killed, and STILL not giving her any clothes to wear = -100 pts
• Clips from the movie you just watched playing during the credits and they ARE NOT outtakes = -10 pts

Progressive Score Total: -280 pts

Final Verdict: Not very progressive, but not exactly Birth of a Nation

The Progressive Cinema Scorecard: Night of the Comet

It's a new regular feature on the Carcast site. The Progressive Cinema Scorecard! Joe and I will watch a great cinematic film and assign arbitrary points to scenes/events in films that we feel may or may not be viewed in the current climate as "progressive".

We decided on the "Progressive Cinema Scorecard," since we all know that the title of "Conservatives Cinema Scorecard" would be a misnomer because conservatives don't actually watch movies, or listen to good music, or look at art, or live. And we decided against the "Liberal Cinema Scorecard" because Joe hates communist hippies. As a result, a compromise was struck. (Take note Washington!) The result: The brilliantly named "Progressive Cinema Scorecard."

Progressive Cinema Scorecard for Night of the Comet:

• Having a chick lead who is the best Asteroid player in 1984 = 10 pts
• Having chick lead and her sister being better with machine guns than the boys = 20 pts
• Having a Latino male lead in 1984 = 1pt
• Having said Latino male lead so closely resemble that OTHER Latino actor everybody in 1984 would recognize = -1 pt
• Having Latino male lead return to his house to check on his mother and the only record on display in the entire house being Feliz Navidad, better known as that one Mexican song white people in 1984 would recognize = -1 pt
• Having a bad-ass main chick turn into slightly deranged schoolmarmy wife at the end of the movie = -20 pts
• Having me think there were zombies in this fucking movie when there weren't = -100 pts
• Our liberal use of the word "chick" during this post = -50 pts

Final Progressive Cinema Score for Night of the Comet = -141 points

In short: Far above average for this genre of film produced that decade.

The Wedding Episode

In this episode: Somebody gets married! Here's a hint: It's the only CarCaster who's ever been accused of murder! Learn all about it on the newest episode of Joe and Sean's CarCast.

The Wedding Episode

Sean's Top Albums of 2010 (or around those parts)

Here is a list of Sean’s best albums of 2010! (Who are we kidding...the best albums he heard that year. The guy lives in a fucking cave.)

1. Alcoholic Faith Mission, 421 Wythe Avenue - Nut in Your Eye


2. The National, High Violet - Bloodbuzz Ohio


3. Florence and the Machine, Lungs - Cosmic Love


4. Tegan and Sara, Sainthood - Hell


5. Aloha, Home Acres - Summer Away

Best Albums of 2010, Part 2

In this episode: It’s June 2011, so I guess that means this is the perfect time to find out which albums of 2010 (or earlier) made it into Sean’s top five! Here’s a hint: While Kanye West was invited to stop by and piss all over Joe’s notions of music, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy was not the top album. Which album made it to the top? Listen to the show, people! We aren’t whores!!

Best Albums of 2010, Part 2

Joe's Top 5 of 2011

Joe's top 5 albums of the year 2011 A.D. (in reverse order):

5. Sleigh Bells - Treats
4. Perfume Genius - Learning
3. Captain Ahab - The End of Irony
2. Swans - My Father Will Guide Me up a Rope to the Sky
1. Titus Andronicus - The Monitor

Best Albums of 2010, Part 1

In this episode: The guys maintain their breakneck pace of new episodes and finally share their best albums of 2010. Well...Joe does at least. Expect Pain. Lots, and lots, of pain.

What album did Joe pick as his best album of 2010? Here's a hint: The enemy...is everywhere.

Best Albums of 2010, Part 1